Friday, July 8, 2011

"Hair" today, gone tomorrow

Let's be honest, I'm a solid 7. 

On a good day, a 7 1/2, at a few weddings an 8 and on my wedding day I think I hit my high at 8 1/2. 

I am not glamorous, gorgeous, hot, pretty, cute or any of those things.  I think people would describe me as nice.  Nothing too outlandish or memorable just nice. 

Growing up, because I was so active, my mom always made me have a short hair cut so that my hair would not get in my eyes when I was swimming or dancing.  I hated it because I was always called a boy.  But, it was very thin and fine textured so growing it long was not an option.

As I got older, I grew my hair out thicker and eventually it could wear a ponytail like everyone else and even used hot rollers to curl it all the time.  I trimmed it often but pretty much had hair down past my shoulders, all one length and straight as an arrow. 

It seemed to be pretty good in the 90s and I even had a short stint as a hair model. 

I wore it the same way every single day for the past million years.  I actually wore up it up in a bun or pony tail every day.  Once in a while I would wear it half up/half down or with a hair comb and people would always comment on it being nice.  But, it would drive me nuts and be so hot when I had it down so even on those days when I wore it down, by the end of the day, it was up in a bun.

So, when it started to really fall out recently due to all the meds I am taking, I do not know why I started to get upset.  I had to grease it to my head on the left side to cover the hole that was starting to appear and my forehead was turning into a five head with the hair line moving so far back.  I first noticed the hair loss in my eye lashes, then my eye brows, and then my legs.  No shaving or waxing needed here. 

I really just wanted it to last through to last Saturday for my cousin Sharon's wedding.  It did and today I needed to go get it cut off.  It actually was driving me nuts.  Not only was there hair everywhere in our house but it was so heavy and would drive me nuts when running.

So, here is the adventure at the hair salon today. 

You can imagine the look on my stylist's face when I walked in and told her to cut it all off.  She actually said I "need to take a minute".  I brought some pictures in that my friend Jamie had found and a magazine that my co-worker Laurie had brought in with all kinds of short hair styles in it.  Sara, the stylist looked at the pictures and asked me if I was sure and then she saw the hole on the left side, the thinning, and when she went to comb it, she saw what I was talking about when I said it was falling out. 

So, she put my hair in a braid and cut away.  The whole place was watching and I even saw a woman go get another women and heard them talking about "the girl who was going to cut all her hair off". 

I was thrilled when Sara told me that I would be able to donate it - I thought you could not donate coloured hair (I had a few highlights in there) but she assured me that the people that pick it up for wigs said they will take coloured hair.  Cool, I get to help someone with hair stuff too. My braid was 11 inches long - I measured it as Sara was checking out the pictures that I brought it.  Wow was it heavy too.  Even though it was thinning, I can't believe how heavy it really was.  When I would run, it would be so heavy because it would be wet - I wonder if I will be faster now?

I teared up a tad when she actually cut the hair off but not because I was sad over the hair being gone but because I was so happy to have it gone.  A weight was lifted.  Some weird feeling came over me and it was a sense of freedom or lightness that I really can't describe. 

I think I actually have been using my hair to hide behind all these years.  That is why I wear glasses too.  You can feel that you are hiding behind your glasses and hair and that people do not have to see the real you.  Growing up I used to wear big baggy clothes so that people could not really see what I looked like.  You can imagine how difficult it was for a tomboy growing up when Spandex came into fashion - kill me!

But, this is one of those great things that cancer has helped me to realize, I do not need to hide anymore.  Even if the rest of it falls out, I feel great and realize that it comes down to the old is what is on the inside that matters most.

So, here I am with new short, short, short hair, no glasses or makeup. 
A solid 7 1/2 :)