Eating my own words

Not going to lie - Thyrogen makes you feel yucky.  I know I know I know, not as yucky as it would have been to go off all the meds and do the no iodine diet but I feel lousy. 

I know I am the luckiest girl in Canada this week to have gotten my Thyrogen prescription filled.  Thanks to the quick work of my pharmacist Betty who (after I had a complete meltdown at Pharma Plus when she told me that there would be no Thyrogen until 2012) called the company personally that manufactures it to ask what the hell was going on. 

Betty found out that they were only able to produce a limited amount of it and in 1 hour of notifying pharmacies across Canada, they were out. 

But, Betty found out form the company that a pharmacist in Guelph had 6 extra prescriptions because they read his order wrong.  They thought he wrote 7 orders on his fax but they miss read it when it had only been 1 that he wanted. 

So, Betty called Guelph and got me one of his extra orders but I had to drive there to pick it up.  No problem I said, I would drive anywhere to get this stuff to get the process moving along.  So, Meg and I drove to Guelph and met this great guy with the extra Thyrogen and we drove home so happy. 

Monday I had to go to my family doctor's office who needed to inject me with 1 of the doses and then I went back Tuesday for the 2nd dose.  It makes you feel really spacey and nauseous.  I tried to push through this week by staying busy but it really puts your body into a tail spin.  Friday I get the blood tests and scans to reveal what is left in my body for the ROI treatments next.  Imagine if I didn't get the Thyrogen until next year!  I would be thinking about the cells in my body and it would drive me even more nuts. 

So, there I am 3 days in and haven't worked out yet this week because I am feeling so bad but by today, I was feeling the worst but now I missed another run. 

Then I saw it, Runners World July 2011 issue on my coffee table.  The issue where I'M quoted for thousands to read that people can still train while having cancer treatments.  In fact, I am quoted as saying that people can still walk, set goals and achieve them.  So, I got dressed tonight and decided that I would walk 5km just to get out of the house.  As I got going, I felt pretty good so started jogging which turned out to be great and eventually I ran 8km just as the training schedule says.  I did throw up at the end near the gas bar up the road and 2 people asked if I was OK but I just started laughing.

As I hit 5k with 3k to go I thought about this October and kilometer #39 in which there will be 3km to go in the marathon.  I thought about how lousy I feel now and that if I can push through tonight, I can push through on that day. 

I think this is what is meant by "a taste of your own medicine".

A Rough Go

I am not going to lie, I am having trouble with all of this. I know, I know "but it's only thyroid cancer", "it's not one of the bad ones", "you will recover from this". Yes, I know. A lot better people are going through a lot worst situations than me.

Here is the problem I am having with all of this and the biggest problem with thyroid cancer... I no longer have a thyroid. It's gone, zero, zilch, zippo left. Your thyroid is your control bridge of most of your bodily functions. It's your motor.

The primary function of the thyroid gland is to make thyroid hormones. The hormones are known as thyroxine (T4) and triiodothyronine (T3).  These are vital hormones that help control functions in your body such as metabolism, heart rate, blood pressure and body temperature.  The hormones are also related to the functioning of the heart, lungs and brain.  Patients who’ve had surgery to remove their thyroid gland, take a synthetic version of T4 as a daily pill.  (Synthroid and Eltroxin are the brand names of levothyroxine [T4] in Canada). The body makes use of the T4 and converts most of it to T3. (http://www.http//www.thyroidcancercanada.org/index.php)

Try being a car, having your engine removed and then being told to go race the Indianapolis 500. You couldn't do it. You have no energy, no metabolism, and definitely no stamina. Sure, they have me on a synthetic drug to replace the hormone but it is just not the same.

Imagine being overweight and a slug and they take out the one thing that could help you...so now, bigger and sluggier!!!!!

I have tried to move forward, even walking the past couple of weeks and then running this past week. I thought I was feeling strong but my times are pathetic. I am running the Chicago marathon in 175 days and need to find the endurance I once had.

I am feeling low and I haven't had the big meeting to confirm if and when I get the radioactive iodine treatments (RAI).  On Friday I met with an endocrinologist who said I was in the "grey" area and will pass me on the top endo for thyroid patients.  Apparently, if you are 45 (I am 42) and have a nodule of 4cm (mine was 3) you go instantly to treatment but she was not sure what to do so pass me to the next person - I like that as this person will know my treatment plan for sure.

So, the next time you see me and you think she is recovering well from thyroid cancer, you are right but don't tell me "it's the good one" please don't say that because to me what I have "lost" is killing me inside.